Maybe it was all the brainstorming and shopping for that costume yesterday, maybe it was watching Night School tonight at movie night, or maybe was Alanis singing to me on the drive home but I am still stuck in 90’s brain…and not just 90’s brain, my 90’s brain.
Among all the things it made me think of, it had me wondering…why?
Why, in movies/books/real life are we always looking back to the things we would change about that time in our lives?
I am guilty of it too, don’t get me wrong. There are a million things I would tell 15/16 year old Candice that might save her a lot of (often self inflicted) heartbreak but tonight I left myself drift to the times when I felt truly invincible…
It was sophomore year and my first year playing HS soccer. For a first year, all female team, we were good and I loved every minute of “us”. The blend of physicality and camaraderie were second to none and the only thing better than sharing the bus to matches with those ladies, was sharing the field.
I felt like my uniform was my armor and that I could anything when I laced up those cleats. Ok, that’s not 100% accurate. Looking back I took a lot of anxiety and self consciousness on to that field with me but it quickly melted as the match progressed.
It’s the only time in my life I’ve enjoyed running and probably the only setting in which I exhibited any Gryffindor “I can do anything, go-get-em” spirit.
That soccer girl version of me was pretty damn awesome, especially that year and I miss her!
My junior and senior year, I followed my passion to the stage and took drama both years. As intimidated as I was by all the talent around me, I didn’t let it stop me from learning all that I could do. Memorizing lines can be daunting but imagining a set when there was none was the easiest thing in the world and I enjoyed those classes more than most of my others combined.
Once again, finding camaraderie fed my soul and brought out the best in me. I didn’t get any lead roles but I felt the warmth of the stage lights, the applause of the crowd and took a bow. I was exhilarated every time I got to step into a character’s life and there isn’t a play or movie that I see today that I don’t imagine myself a character in.
That theatre girl gives me so much joy and I am glad she still makes an appearance.
Love…in high school, it’s most definitely a crazy little thing.
Sophomore year brought with it a great little love. Anyone reading who remembers that time knows that I ADORED him and sharing that time with someone who cared as much as he did was a really great way to spend most of that year.
But we were young, so young and on a week long club field trip he decided to see someone else. If I am honest, it was my first true heartbreak. Oh, as I mentioned I am dramatic, so I thought it had already happened, but I really did love that guy.
What amazes me about that girl is that she dried her tears and said to herself “this isn’t worth being sad about anymore, we lived, we loved and if it’s time to move on, it is”. The next day at school, she put a flowy dress (it was a game day after all), a huge smile and flashed that beautiful smile at everyone she crossed paths with that day, including the new couple.
For a day, hopefully more since, that girl determined her worth and let it shine.
I think that’s the girl I miss the most ❤
There are probably a ton of other examples of times I surprised myself and I really hope there are but those are the few that stick out to me, at least at the moment, because…
One of my dearest friends, to date, shared that soccer field with me and knowing we will carry that camaraderie for the rest of our lives lets me know that she will remind me that soccer girl is still in me somewhere, waiting to take the field again and for that I am grateful.
Theatre helped me find a home for my creativity/imagination (I still run monologues for myself) and also taught me that you don’t need a “someone” to have a hand to hold, a shoulder to support you or a embrace to hold you. It’s one of the places my heart grew a size and for that I am grateful.
The first heartbreak remains dear to me and I to him. Just because it never led us back to each other, doesn’t mean we can’t adore what we had and wish each other well, which I know that we do. In a strange way, it also helped me better navigate situations in my adulthood when I haven’t ended up with the one I adored. Just because romantic love isn’t the ending doesn’t lessen the adoration (I my case) and for that I am grateful.
Since I’m a fan of broody music, I’ll leave you with the lyrics to this Alanis Morissette song.
How ’bout getting off of these antibiotics
How ’bout stopping eating when I’m full up
How ’bout them transparent dangling carrots
How ’bout that ever elusive kudo
Thank you India, thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty, thank you consequence
Thank you, thank you, silence
How ’bout me not blaming you for everything
How ’bout me enjoying the moment for once
How ’bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How ’bout grieving it all one at a time
Thank you India, thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty, thank you consequence
Thank you, thank you, silence
The moment I let go of it
Was the moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down
Even though the sun wasn’t out to greet me, I was back into the swing of things work wise today and it felt good. I am big fan of a moody day weather wise but here in my corner of NC we have been getting A LOT of it…I NEED the sunshine, please!
Work finished up earlier than expected, as it sometimes does, and though I didn’t have the energy for much, I knew I needed to make a stop before I went home.
This Saturday I’ve been invited to attend a 90’s themed birthday party for a friend of mine. I was thrilled to get the invite but had honestly not put much thought into what I was going to wear.
Enter my friendly, neighborhood Goodwill…
Now, I take ZERO credit for the idea of costume shopping at Goodwill. That goes to my girl Lizzie and not only does she find costume pieces, in my eyes, she’s pioneered the #thrifted fashion scene.
I always channel my inner Lizzie when making Goodwill runs and I have been making it my first stop when shopping for about 3 months now. As expected, I don’t always find something that speaks to me but what treasures I have found, I’ve been thrilled with! I am so grateful she reminded me that thrift stores aren’t just for donations!
Back to tonight…
While I did have a few ideas in my mind, it took about an hour and some change to put a look together I was proud of. I grew up in the 90’s so maybe I had a little advanced help when it came to getting it right.
Here’s the look….
Honestly, I don’t know how I found something so perfectly me, but I sure did.
Now, I went through MANY fashion phases in my pre-teen/teens. My Mom and I wore the same size for a few years so I was constantly wearing her dresses and jewelry when I needed to dress up. If I had a photo album right now, you would have found me somewhere with a perm in my hair, headphones and depending on the year, in pipe leg jeans/plaidshirt/heavyeyeliner, flowy dresses and lots of make up or tight fitting sweaters and mens silvertabs. I had a pair of Airwalks by my heels and soccer cleats…Ahhh the 90’s ❤
The dress called to me over the teal blue blazer I, originally, had in my hand and I fell hard. It’s plaid, a 3/4 oversized dress AND in Hufflepuff colors…PERFECTION! Originally the idea was to wear it with black skinny jeans and some combat boots but then I found the purse. The photo doesn’t reflect but its plastic-y, like everything in the 90’s was and once again, I fell hard. The shoes were a little bit harder to navigate, as most of them were taller than I am BUT these beauties not only have the size heel I can manage but also mimic the snakeskin look that’s gone in and out of style over the years.
The wayfarers caught my eye on the way out and I just had to!
This was most definately my favorite Goodwill hunt, to date!
I’ll post an update with me in the outfit over the weekend!
The most surprising thing about today wasn’t that I had the day off, because I try to take mid-week off every week BUT that I woke up too exhausted to do everything that I planned.
Originally, I was going to get my car inspected, work on a few more writing prompts and then a visit a friend for the afternoon…
When I opened my eyes and immediately wanted to close them again (at 9:30), I knew that something wasn’t quite right. I was saddened to cancel plans but figured I had the day off so the time to recoup from whatever this was, was there.
It’s very hard for me to take a day off. Even when I am not working at my practice, I am running around doing one thing or another, and even at home I am working on more than one thing. As in, there isn’t much time space when I rest both my mind and my body…
It eventually catches up with me…today is a good example of that.
As hard as it was, I’ve made myself do very little. The couch has been my home base and from there I have either read, napped, watched something on Netflix or spent time writing…which still sounds like a lot when I read it back. Leaving out even the most minimal physical exertions has seemed to help, as I figure all the liquids have (I don’t have much of an appetite when I don’t feel 100%).
The day hasn’t been completely uneventful, however, as it has led me to realize (once again) that I am in control of how much I do in a day and I am the only one who can make me feel guilty for doing absolutely nothing on a planned day off. I have to chuckle at the body for, once again, proving that point to me.
And so I look at this achy/fatigued laden day as a gift and with it I have started my first TBR of January (choosing to get the non-fiction done first), journaled about the first couple of days of the New Year, drank tons of hot tea, rested under the big/comfy blanket and stumbled onto another Margaret Atwood TV adaptation called Alias Grace (soup seems like the perfect accompaniment to this show)…
I think my favorite part (other than my bestie dropping off provisions) is that all of the events of today lined up my TBR for February and I don’t even have to think about now…
We all need a TRUE day off…don’t wait on your body to teach you that lesson 😉
Welcome to the space On Wanderwood Lane that will hold not only something that doesn’t fall into another room but will also give a home to a big goal I have for the year…
If you held a microscope up to most of my days, this already happens in one form or the other but I felt I needed something more fine tuned…so here we are.
With today being the first day of a brand new year, I was hit with inspiration early on and began writing down the first things that came into my head.
The loudest and clearest was a theme song for the year. Music is like oxygen to me so narrowing it down happens in a different way than me just choosing one.
Fresh off of viewing The Greatest Showman (2017) it didn’t take long for Come Alive to be the song that spoke to me and said it wanted to be my theme for 2018. It proved to be monumental throughout the entire year and I can say I most definitely lived out those words.
I learned and felt so much from the entire soundtrack over 2018 that I was sure I had learned from it all that I needed to, until this morning that is.
For the 100th time, the lyrics to This Is Me rang in my ears.
“Wait, self, I know and believe all of this already, what’s going on here?” I impatiently asked my brain. The answer came in the form of honing into part of the lyrics that I had been glazing over…
“I’m not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me”
“I know that I deserve your love, there’s nothing I’m not worthy of”
This song is an anthem to be sure and I have cried many tears feeling the lyrics in a very real way but while I have made great strides in living out the above, I am not where I can to be with it…unafraid to be seen in my entirety, feeling like something always needs to be changed to get me to the place where real love comes in…
It starts, as it ever does, with me. I can’t hear what others are saying sometimes because of the negative self talk and as far as I’ve come, I have a ways to go…
So…2019…this is me…
I shared this image earlier today with my friend Amanda and I thought she would be the only one, because she’s one of my biggest cheerleaders…and then when I was planning this post I knew, I was being afraid to be seen, again.
I hadn’t intended to come up with 19 things to carry out in 2019 but they showed up (and as I type this I realize I miscounted…SEE). A good amount of them are only important to me so I am not even sure where the fear to share came from but it HAS TO GO.
Here’s to year where we can all be a little bit more comfortable and unapologetic with ourselves!!
As you may have deduced by now, my fondness for loose leaf tea is at an all time high!
I am very excited to have a page on my blog devoted entirely to my venture of becoming the ultimate tea enthusiast.
While You Were Steeping will feature what’s in my cuppa on any given day as well as special items I might come across.
For example. I took advantage of the David’s Tea 24 days of Tea recently have loads of tea blends to share from that box, as well as a set of Holiday tea poppers from a friend.
The idea is not only to refine my palette so that I can find the best it out there, it is also to share these great tea companies with you in hopes that our support can keep them blending loose leaf for years to come.
The posts will be a short/sweet peek at my tea tasting experience, designed to help you decide if it’s something you would like to try.
All my fellow tea sippers will want to stay tuned to this page!!
I had to share the feature image again because I had a custom decal made to accompany my blog postings. I think it turned out great!
You can get one for yourself here:
For the past decade my life has been a collection of adventures, that’s the positive word for it, and through it I’ve developed a long list of interests.
Over the last several months I’ve been working on a journaling project that has served to fine tune those interests to the ones that I can’t regularly function without.
Written words are magical and they move me. Creating a space to place my own words has become just as important as reading and sharing the words of others. Add to that a fondness for documenting life, traveling, trying new things and copious amount of loose leaf tea, you will begin to get an idea of what you will find On Wanderwood Lane.
Though this post contains borrowed images, the highest goal of this blog is to bare witness to my above mentioned creative endeavors.
Think of it as a location, where if you are so inclined, you can pull up a chair and join the journey through a life aiming to be well lived, well documented and enjoyed to the fullest.
Thanks for visiting today! See you again soon!