On Wanderwood Lane
The fictitious setting of a very REAL life.
The Lady, The Tiger and The Girl Who Loved Death
Earlier this summer, I was delighted to be added to the reviewers list over at one of my favorite publishing houses, Titan Books!
While I think I have done pretty well sprinkling in other genres beyond my beloved thriller/mysteries, the first selection they sent over was just the breath of fresh air that my TBR needed!!!
Synopsis:
“As Sara Sidorova hovers between life and death, she is visited by Amba, the tiger god who will devour creation if he is released from the chains that bind him. Amba gives Sara an extraordinary gift: a glimpse into the future.
Years later, her granddaughter Irenda will grow up in a war-torn country where survival means obedience. When a devastating attack robs her of her parents, she travels to Hrana City. There, her grandmother agrees to teach her the ultimate secret: how to tame death. In the circus, amongst the magicians, the strongmen and the contortionists, she will start down a dangerous road, to carry out a revenge decades in the making… and bring justice into the world for herself and for her family.
Rich with glamour and strangeness, brutality and deceit and the dark magic of the circus, this haunting fable from a multi award-winning author will chill your bones and make your heart ache.”
From the first few pages of this story, I could tell that it was one that wouldn’t be content with 30min, short burst, reading sessions.
It, quite simply, wanted to be devoured.
The book opens with a scene of Sara Sidorova, becoming injured and seemingly drifting into an afterlife scenario, where she meets three entities…The Evening Star, The Morning Star and a Tiger (Amba), who give her an opportunity to see in to the future.
Admittedly, it took me more than a few pages to figure out the flow of what was happening but once I did, it was a difficult read to put down. The past, present and future danced between chapters, unraveling the heartbreak, difficulty, sadness and determination that comes with existing in war-torn/fractured times.
The character’s stories intertwined throughout, in a way that made it feel like my story was in there somewhere also, leading me to my favorite quote…
Maybe all stories are one story in the end.
The contrast of violence/war/opression and the deep bonds of love woven within, helped make this the compelling read that it is.
Any time a book takes me to it’s depths, pricks me with some discomfort, shows me something about myself and brings me to the most heartwarming of tears, it gets my seal of approval!!!!
The Lady, The Tiger and The Girl Who Loved Death at it’s simplest, is a story about a grandmother and her granddaughter. On a very personal note, my grandmother passed away shortly after I finished this book.
I can’t help but feel like it was meant to happen that way. She was born in 1939 and lived through things I’ll never be able to fully grasp and in a way, this story helped me see her life…
So, perhaps we are all apart of one story after all and “now the sum of all my joys is greater than the sum of my sorrows”.
Or at least that’s what I am choosing 🙂
Much love to you all ❤
Our Beautiful Mess
In the spirit of transparency and accurately catching up on book posts, let’s flash back to April…
It had been a little over two years since I’d been on an airplane. I wasn’t nervous, far from it in fact…I was elated! My best friend and I were headed out West. That meant I had about 4 hrs of time to fill.
That’s a small flight, so I didn’t bother firing up the Wi-Fi on my devices to stream anything. For a few hours, I put pen to page on my novel (something my traveling buddy made sure of 😉 ).
When I met my pages quota, I moved on to the only other item I planned to enjoy in any spare time I had during the trip…a brand new, signed, paperback by yet another local author (and new friend).
***Isn’t this cover lovely!?!?!***
Our Beautiful Mess opens in an airport bar, where a heartbroken Danny is attempting to drink away all thoughts of his unfaithful ex-wife, when a beautiful woman sits down beside him…literally the last thing he wanted.
Claire, a famous heiress and recent widow, is traveling in disguise, to a remote island off Scotland, to both find some respite from recent events and to also work on her writing. You see, she’s a famous author writing under a pen name.
One chapter in and I was already grinning ear to ear and tucking a little more comfortably into my seat on the airplane. At first they don’t know that they are headed to the same place but we do 😉
Solsken is an island settled by two families, the McClellans and the Larssons, which lands it in an all too often competitive combination of Scottish and Swedish heritage. Danny’s lineage is Swedish and his best friend, Ian’s is Scottish. Together they run the Solken’s public house, Flygande Norseman.
News travels fast on this island and Danny soon finds out his flight companion has settled in nearby and struggles with a mix of emotions, heavy on stubbornness.
With it’s atmospheric, small town setting and more than a little chemistry already in the air between Claire and Danny, one might think they are sitting down to a cozy romance but all of that changes when Claire starts to hear voices in the house she’s rented. These voices know things they shouldn’t and it shakes her to the core.
What follows is captivating mix of charm, warmth, heart, suspense, intensity, kinship and love, all set in an idyllic place.
For me, it was quick and thoroughly enjoyable read.
It wasn’t until the end of the book, as I was reading the acknowledgements and author bio that I realized that not only had I already met B.K. Clark but she was the one who invited me to come and join her writing group (insert happy tears).
This is the second book I’ve read by someone who writes at our local bookshop and it fills me with all the hope in the world that big things are happening within it. I can’t wait to join in and I will very soon!
I’ve linked the ways to find Our Beautiful Mess as well as B.K., please go find and support her 🙂
Summer in NCshire
It’s time I introduced you all to my friend, writing colleague and fellow Tolkien lover, Arwen.
On her blog today, she speaks the absolute truth about NC summers for the Hobbit at heart!!
Check it out 🙂
A Deadly Legacy
A few of months ago, I was looking for a way to keep track of my reading and truthfully, I needed a clean slate. Yes, I’ve had Goodreads but it’s been long forgotten and I didn’t have the bandwidth to update it.
Thankfully, I found Fable and with it, a brand new way to set my 2025 reading goal, track my progress and also connect with other readers. I’m still acclimating to the platform and haven’t mastered everything it’s capable of but it’s been really fun to watch books go from “currently reading” to “finished”.
I’ve been able to check “I have read today” for 120 days now! That little bit of satisfaction has me carving even more reading time in to my days and I think it’s helped me get over half way to my goal already 🙂
Back in February, I happened to catch my local bookshop (Editions) on a Saturday, when they were hosting an author’s debut novel.
Marcia Honeycutt Roseman ‘s table caught my eyes immediately. I appreciated the thought she’d put in to the display and was compelled to hear about her book, even though I was pretty sure I was already going to purchase it.
Between the caution tape, the map of the US with pushpins/string and an accompanying playlist, I did indeed buy book. All ‘day of’ purchases came with an evidence bag and I knew that I was signing up for a fully immersive experience.
I wanted to be fully present with this selection, so I didn’t dive into it until about a month later, when I found the Editions Bookstore Book Club invitation via Fable. The book for March was A Deadly Legacy and I couldn’t have been happier that I already had it in my hands 🙂
Much to my delight I had the time/solitude one weekend in March to listen through the playlist, make a pot of coffee, spread all the contents of the evidence bag out on my desk and solve the case alongside the main characters Charlie and Michael.
My first thought was “I wish I gave every book this much intention”! I really sank my teeth into pretending to be a detective in the 60’s and it was A LOT of fun!
Now, the story itself…
“The Sixties. For some, a time of peace and love. For others, death and violence.”
A Deadly Legacy, follows special consultant Charlotte Harrington (Charlie) and Federal Agent Micheal Vale as they seek to solve the murder of a Jane Doe.
Although resistant to the partnership at first, Michael (who’s personal life is in rough shape), begins to warm up to Charlie (a confident/capable female in a man’s world) as he see’s her experience with behavioral analysis/mental health become exactly the asset they need.
Just as they begin to put the pieces together, Charlie starts receiving strange, handwritten, notes and the threat of danger comes closer than ever.
From the first page, this title pulled me right in. I found it a quick and immersive read, with a few incredible twists along the way! The books unique design/layout was a fun added bonus.
If you are a fan of thrillers and enjoy supporting indie authors, I highly recommend this one!
The book club I mentioned earlier in the post meets once a month to discuss each selection and to have a meet & greet with the author.
I’m pleased to say that I was able to attend that evening and gush about my enjoyment of A Deadly Legacy to Marcia herself (she may have even called me “stalker” by that point 😉 ).
She was full of warmth, gratitude and plenty of added tid bits about how she came up with the story and where it will take us next.
As an aspiring novelist, I was thrilled that the moderator asked her to give fellow writers a piece of advice. What she said was simple but effective… “Don’t be afraid and DON’T QUIT”.
If A Deadly Legacy can come from that spirit, I think it’s one worth taking to heart!
And I shall do just that 🙂
In a Hole in the Ground
I’ve sat down to write this with the widest of smiles across my face 🙂
My relationship with my niece and nephews has always been special but as they grow into their adolescent lives and I continue to grow in to my 40’s, I can’t help but feel like it gets easier to connect with them. We have a lot of fun when we are together!!
It’s one of the biggest gifts in my life!!!!!!!
As these years go on, I try to think of ways to make celebrations, like birthdays, a bit more personal by asking them to be involved in the plans and process.
My nephew J is a planner extraordinaire and often likes to have another plan before we even finish the one we are trying to enjoy, lol. His enthusiasm is contagious and I love it.
His birthday is in January, and he let me know at my birthday, the September prior, that he would like to stay in a hobbit house for his gift/quality time. Thankfully that option is a bit easier for me than it might be for others and I was able to help make that wish come true for him!!!! Less than hour up the interstate from me is the town of China Grove and there, the Cherry family have built an enchanting outdoor space called Cherry Treesort
What started as one father/son getaway in the woods now holds 8 Tree houses, able to accomodate groups of various sizes, and, YES, two hobbit houses!!
My nephew and I opted for the one with the green door 😉 named Mimi and Papa’s.
This is the smaller of the two units and is fit with a full size bed, pull out couch, living area and bathroom. The perfect hobbit sized accommodations for just the two of us.
Immediately, J insisted on opening the round door and we were pleased to find it is indeed functional, although not ideal to keep going in and out of in the winter, lol. We got a few really great videos of donning our cloaks and walking sticks whilst exiting into the wooded path beyond the front door.
He was beyond thrilled to have received the cloak and walking stick for Christmas and had them on when I picked him up for the trip. He wore it all weekend!
In addition to the layout of the house itself, it’s fitted with a TV but no WiFi, so if you must have something to view, you can choose from a small selection of channels or bring your own DVDs. We did our best to entertain ourselves without technology but as it was winter (and snow was falling), playing outside past nightfall wouldn’t have been pleasant, so we brought Battle of the Five Armies to watch.
If it hadn’t have been snowing, we may have taken advantage of the fire pit out front, which I am sure is a hit in the warmer months! We DID have the fixings for s’mores though and happily had them without the fire.
The treesort has a trail that winds through the woods and into the two sections of countryside where you can walk past all of the other spaces they have to offer. Each one is unique and well worth having a look at while taking in some fresh air.
Although located really close to the increasingly popular city of Kannapolis, owner Trent Cherry has done an excellent job of creating some on-site activities for those wanting to stay and enjoy the outdoors, or simply give the kids a way to exert some energy.
When we were there, there was an ice skating rink and giant bounce pillow. As much as we enjoyed taking walks around the property, my nephew braved the cold multiple times to jump around a bit and I think that might have been a favorite aspect of the stay.
There have been a few changes for the Summer season and I believe you can enjoy pickle ball during a stay these days…but you’d have to go and take a look for yourselves 😉
As for me, I have eyes on the Sweet Ashley treehouse for my next writerly retreat. I think it’s spot in the middle of the woods has the perfect amount of isolation to set my muse loose!
Have you ever stayed at a hobbit house? Please circle back and let me know if you have or plan to!!
~CNC
Water is the Element of Change
Only a year after it’s release 😉 I finally took the time to experience Netflix’s Avatar: The Last Airbender
It’s a beautiful show with SO many rich and deeply moving aspects, that have taken over a month to fully process.
While I am in no way well versed in the story/lore, yet 😉 , I have several quotes from each episode written on a little floral notepad I keep on my couch for when something I’m viewing, reading or listening to strikes a particular chord.
I’ll very likely break those down in a separate post about the show specifically, however, for the purposes of this post, I am focusing on a short but powerful one…
“water is the element of change”
The part of the story you need to know here is that in this world there are certain people who have the ability to bend one of the four elements (Earth, Fire, Air, Water). When we find our main characters, rather than living a peace filled existence, are enduring a 100 year long, tyrannical rule, of the Fire nation, who’ve placed themselves at the top of the bender hierarchy.
Katara is apart of the Water Nation and is a water bender but hasn’t been allowed to practice/hone her abilities because just being a bender puts her life at risk. The quest forward gives her the desire to help make her world better and the freedom to practice her bending. That isn’t a pretty process at the start and when her eagerness and inexperienced frustration collide, it slings water everywhere, lol.
This brings me to the point of the post.
We can want one thing in our lives to change SO MUCH that in the process of that desire, things change that we didn’t necessarily think we wanted to…but, perhaps that’s exactly what is needed.
This is place/space I found myself in these first few months of the year.
My creative flow has been at an all time high, I already have a livelihood that is deeply meaningful, my relationships with family/friends are in a healthy place and I’ve found my rhythm with my health/wellness…yet, something wouldn’t let me fully feel those things.
All to often the more I “tried to”, the more water I got everywhere (sometimes very literally).
The above mentioned quote has come to mind many times, as has the art of bending itself.
The most beautiful aspect of bending the elements, to me, is that you have to feel it and let it move through you vs seeking to bend it to your own will. Pretty powerful, right? Katara is faced with some intense situations as the story progresses and with each surrender to the element, she’s given more accuracy in the execution, almost like it’s wanted to help her all along.
For weeks I have marinated on exactly what I just said in regard to the personal growth that happens daily in my life, my dreams/goals and how that forms the future. I could ask or want, just about anything for the present/future but if I don’t let it do what it’s going to do, I am betting the course will be harder to navigate as I come to it. I really don’t want that!
Personally, I think we have a great deal to learn from all of the elements and there is great description of them in a book that brought great transformation in my life (Becoming the One).
But today, water is my teacher and it’s telling me that I can’t ask for change and then resist it’s coming…
I’ve got to let it flow and trust the process along the way!
~CNC ❤
Stop and Smell the Roses
My first thoughts about starting this blog contained the opening paragraphs of The Hobbit .
I have always loved how Tolkien started that story with the simplicity of describing what a hobbit home looks/feels like. As if he was letting us know from page one that something extraordinary can happen with the opening of a door.
To me, On Wanderwood Lane has been my “hole in the ground”. I’ve wanted each page to represent a different room, all of them filled with the things that make it feel cozy, comfortable and welcoming…like home to me…and hopefully you too 🙂
I’ve been doing a little renovating recently and have added a new room, lovingly named in honor of my favorite unexpected journey.
“If in doubt…always follow your nose” ~Gandalf
For the past several months, I have been exploring the wonderfully wide world of aromatics via an aromatherapy certification course. What I am learning is not only fascinating to discover but has also been imperative to add to my wellness practice.
My dear hobbits are big fans of things that grow (nature) and I have no doubt they knew there was something truly special in their gardens, verges, flowerbeds and forests.
As I begin to make products and compile case studies, I already know my desire to help people with the knowledge I’ve gained will increase to those well beyond my front door.
This is the space I will endeavor to do that!!
In the weeks, months and years to come, I’ll be sharing my increasing love of nature and how incredible our sense of smell is.
When combined, I find it quite magical and I look forward to sharing it with you!
If supporting your wellness is of interest to you or if you have Q’s along the way, please don’t hesitate to reach out 🙂
“I want to change your life!”
As blogs past will no doubt tell you, I am a massive Harlan Coben fan and although I haven’t entered the realm of his much beloved character Myron Bolitar, yet, I have ingested just about all of his other novels and television adaptations. I just love him!
After deleting all other social media accounts, it took me a long time to curate the one that remained, Instagram, to a place that best suited where I wanted my life to go. As an aspiring author, it felt really important to make sure that I had weeded out some accounts I had moved past learning from/interacting with and welcome in ones that could expand my experience.
When I changed my account handle from my name to a fictional place, I hadn’t anticipated that eventually “my name” wouldn’t show up anywhere else. I know I could change that at any time (and I might) but here we are.
On Wanderwood Lane
Adding the names of people who’s work I admire has been a source of joy for me these past few months. Now that I’ve shaved off some of the intimidation and anxiety of being ‘new’, I am leaning in to absorbing as much from each of them as I can.
It’s incredible to see an author who has published over a dozen novels get just as excited about an upcoming release as they did from the start. Watching them tour different cities, greet their fans and also get right back to writing in any spare moment, is something truly special to behold.
In the spring of 2024 a certain add campaign found it’s way to my feed almost daily. I honestly have no idea how long BBC Maestro courses have been available but their offer of 70% off a year subscription got my attention. By following the account, I got to click through the introductions given by the course instructors and there is quite the selection!
Harlan Coben’s wasn’t the first promo I saw BUT it was the one that prompted me to take advantage of the amazing discount and gain access to a year’s worth of guidance from some of the best in the industry.
As I’ve mentioned multiple times now, I am a huge fan of HC, so when his introductory video started with the declaration that his goal for the course was to change my life, I took it personally and started my BBC Maestro journey with his 4hr course.
Four hours (23 lessons) doesn’t sound like a huge time commitment, and I suppose it isn’t. In fact, I have no doubt there are those that could get through it in only a few sittings.
However, I took the slow and steady approach with my classes. Harlan delivers his instruction in a transparent and relaxed manner, like he is having a conversation with you. That encouraged me to treat each lesson like it was a one-on-one mentoring session, marking my study pages as I went with what stood out each day and pausing when needed, to let bigger messages take root in my brain.
Each session has application and homework to practice. In that practice I exercised neural pathways that desperately needed new stimulation and discovered that, for me, “writer brain” is an almost constant state. I’m blown away at the fresh ideas that came out of pausing, reflecting on the prompt and then writing what came to me. It gives me great hope that all the empty journals I have lying around will be filled to the brim with inspirational bits I can use later.
Speaking of hope, it’s at the core of Harlan Coben’s writing and each of his lessons. His passion for telling stories is tangible and is echoed in his desire for his students to tell their stories. This guy really wants you to succeed and delivers that message in a way that is fully felt and believable!
If you are an aspiring author needing a bit of structure to your workflow and a boatload of encouragement, I highly recommend this course. I’ve read several of the holy grails of writing instruction and yes, they are full of great applications for success, but I found myself needing to really feel like “I CAN DO THIS!”. I needed some wind in my sails.
Imagine getting that feeling from one of your favorite authors!?!?!? I just might let him change my life ya’ll 😉
Thank you Harlan! If you read this, please know how greatly I appreciate your enthusiasm for the craft and your desire to help writers like me find the courage to desperately perspire so that our inspiration gets wings to fly!!! You’ll most definitely be in acknowledgments of my first book and I’ll have a signed copy waiting for you 🙂
One of my bookish friends has graciously let me borrow her copy of Deal Breaker, so, I guess it’s time to finally meet Myron!!! I’m stoked!!!
I’m Back in December
There were a couple of reasons for my excitement to participate in the December Writer Friends Challange (@writer.friends.challenge). The first is that I figured the last month of the year was sure to produce enough inspiration to complete most of the prompts and secondly, I have yet to complete every prompt on the list in a month. While it’s meant to be a fun way to keep oneself writing/posting and nothing is technically required, I know that I need the practice the challenge offers!
With Christmas approaching, the busyness of both jobs, studying to become an Aromatherapist and writing my first novel, I’ve chosen a really chaotic time in life to put too much pressure on myself…and I may have some fatigue along the way but, again, I need the practice.
Today is the 8th of December and it’s time for the 8th prompt. I took to my Instagram (OnWanderWoodLane) for prompts 1-3 and will return later today for 8.
Wait, that skips 4-7!!!! Nooooooooooooooooo! Not happening!!
That is exactly why I am on the blog today! The max word count on other platforms are no match for where my mind/heart go whilst reading these lists sometimes, so I have come to the place where I can write away!!
In the following paragraphs, I’ll be breaking down prompts 4-7 as I continue to vulnerably share my writer’s journey with you all and hopefully to make new friends along the way!
Let’s get started!
4. What’s on your writing Wishlist?
As literal as my answers could be here, I mean I’ll never turn down new pens, notebooks, journals or books to add to my TBR pile, I have to be really transparent here and say that my biggest wish is for subscribers.
A few days ago, I got the notification that this blog had reached 5,000 views. That was really incredible to me! Putting my words out into the word is both the most satisfying and the most terrifying writerly thing I do. Notifications feel very good when they are coming in but ughhhhhh does the void of waiting have the opposite effect.
It’s easy for me to post and let it get lost in space but knowing that the only way to eventually be a successful author is to welcome in/grow an audience is intimidating and oftentimes leaves me with less content created.
I mentioned earlier in the week my desire to spend less time waiting and more time creating. That is a promise I plan on keeping to myself so here is where the wish comes in. Social media algorithms make it really difficult to ensure that you, the reader, are in control of what you consume, unless of course you spend hours liking/viewing/sharing that content.
Thankfully, I DO have some really loyal friends/readers that keep their eyes open for new posts but otherwise there are no guarantees that each post will get the same traction. As I continue to open up about the series I am writing and what I am hoping to accomplish as an author, I need to KNOW that there’s an audience waiting and wanting to hear about it.
Almost everything out there asks you to “subscribe” these days and I sincerely don’t want to be just another “thumbs up” or “click here” BUT if you want to know exactly when one of my posts goes live, subscribing to this blog is the only way you get a notification for it, right in the convenience of your inbox.
In addition to this wish is the added wish of truly getting to know you all and interacting with you more often as all of this takes shape. Along the way, I hope to be in this space more than on social media and creating content you can only get by being here with me.
If you are already apart of my readership, I thank you for supporting me!
If you subscribe after reading this, thank you for making my wish come true!!
And if you are undecided where you want to go from here, I am glad that you stopped by today ❤
5. 1 Thing you are taking into the New Year and 1 thing you are leaving behind?
Whew! This one gave me absolute chills!! If you’ve been here (or Insta) for any length of time, you know that self-care has become paramount within the last 5 years. I’ve still got a long way to go on that front but in those 5 years, I have learned about as much about myself (my brain) as I possibly could and here is what I found the most helpful.
Presence is everything and if you let it be, it is generous.
Operating out of the past often creates more of the past and in my experience, it was the unpleasant parts of it…the insecure/overly stressed/sensitive bandwidth parts. Not exactly fun. And when I take that state in to a future thought, I place all of that weight on things that haven’t happened yet. Again, not fun.
I find I have less expectation in presence. I am more in a state of curiosity and anticipation. That IS fun!
Presence leaves room for us to offer grace, awareness and understanding. I am betting that if I feel I need it, then the rest of the world does also.
Presence is what I am taking into the New Year!!!!
It wasn’t my intention to choose another “P” word for the other part of this prompt but here I am with, perfectionism. When I look around my world, I don’t see that word (I see imperfect) but when I think about the places I get the most frustrated/stuck, it comes from almost constant comparison. What is particularly sad about that constant comparison is that it almost always as an unknowing or even fictious competitor.
For that reason, I am embracing however messy the journey is along the way and leaving perfectionism behind!
6. Favorite Holiday Traditions
Fellowship with my family and friends will forever be at the top of most of my lists because connection is my life song. I just love sharing/talking/bonding with the people that mean the most to me and I likely always will 🙂
Christmas lights are very high on the list also! In fact I keep a strand of white tree lights in my living room year round as carry over of the wonder and whimsy I feel when I see them.
I can remember many trips to spectacular light displays in the neighboring counties growing up and it always filling me with joy. That’s a favorite feeling!
I’ve been an Aunt for almost 14 years now, so that joy is only added upon when I get to experience those lights with the kiddos now. I recently went with the boys and even this year, as one is in his teens, it’s difficult to tell who gets more excited about them! I really love it!
Another Auntie related holiday tradition is watching a couple of those kiddos perform on stage! My niece and nephew have been in children’s theatre since they were 6 and every December they are in a production. It’s become a highlight of Aunthood to watch them not only grow in life but also on stage. I use to tear up at how bravely they committed to their characters and castmates. Now I tear up at how confidently they commit to their characters, their castmates and the story.
This Aunt life is a year-round thing but I do love how it gets just a little sweeter at Christmastime!
7. What sneaks into your stories?
This one is a tough one because I really try to add to my stories with intention, even more so now that I have vowed to be more present. I will fully admit that there have been times where I have used a quote I like, a song or an influencer reel to express a passive aggressive message along before I took the time to be rational about it…I never tag who it’s meant for, of course, BUT I have done that more than I care to admit.
Seeeeeeeee, in no way perfect 😉
Alrighty then! I think that’s a wrap for now!
Again, thank you so much for being here and I’ll see you again soon!
Return to Innocence
As soon as I started thinking about this post, it had an accompanying track that played in my head throughout it’s forming into words.
The road I grew up on, Thompson Rd, was out in the country and contained a lot of extended family. A few of our cousins lived at the end of the road and were our first friends. It was, very thankfully for me, an age where there wasn’t so much technology to be tethered to and we spent lots of time walking in the fields/woods between our houses.
Karen, the one I’ve always been closest to, and I bonded over so many things in those formative years. We turned fallen trees into castles, the barn loft into a court room, old metal scraps into more friends, tissue paper into skin grafts for the dolls that needed plastic surgery and ruled a mermaid empire every time we swam in the pool.
The free flow of play came easily to us, as did the laughter and with all the ‘heal your inner child’ talk that is trending now, I have to wonder if calling upon those effortless memories is part of it…
A few weeks ago, after a loooooooooooong and very draining few years of attempting to get my workout/physical care routine back on track, I surrendered to the TRUTH that although I’ve spent a great deal of the past decade moving toward whole self healing, my physical body was still so conditioned to be in protection mode, that very few of the efforts I have made are adding up to anything lasting. Burnout was at an all time high, which is always tough for me to admit because I have a really great life, I do!
How am I honoring that great life if I am not communicating to my body that it’s safe to thrive and actually enjoy it though?
Somatic exercises were brought to my attention via a friend a few years ago, who knowing my mind/body background asked if I knew anything about them. I didn’t and was admittedly too overwhelmed at the thought of learning something new to look into it a the time…and yet, with my teary eyed head in my hands, I’ve never forgotten that they asked me about it.
I didn’t spend a lot of time searching for a place to explore this. With a quick key word search, I was led to an Instagram account that I followed for a while, to make sure the message was consistent and then, purchased their 30day program.
In the days that followed that choice, I had to get very honest with myself about the amount of money I have spent/do spend in the pursuit of this form of wellness and SEE where the money is being wasted as I know there is deep correlation in it. Subscriptions were canceled, accounts un-followed and apps deleted.
My first real exhale in months came on Day 1 of the program with the permission to do nothing strenuous or ambitious during the duration of the course. It was made clear that we would be navigating neuroplasty and creating new messages (neural pathways) in my brain and DID NOT need to mix the messages. Knowing just how long I’ve been mixing the messages, surrender to that instruction was easy.
I am almost two weeks into the course and have been keeping notes about what each session reveals to me (to be shared at another time). What I will share at this moment though, is that I’ve been, without a doubt, holding on way too tightly for way too long. This message of ‘letting go’ that I have been receiving these past few years is meant within my physical body also and I am, thankfully, finally on that journey.
Within that same time frame, I purchased a camera. No, I didn’t need it, I have about 6 cameras. This one though, has taken everything back to the basics of what a camera was like when I was a kid. I didn’t have access to anything fancy. The cameras I used were disposable, point & shoots and when the camera was full, I dropped it off at the store for development.
My favorite thing about those, looking back, was how impossible it was to overthink what you were photographing because you couldn’t see/critique it. You captured memories. I captured memories. It was plain and simple, almost effortless.
The advertising appeal of the CampSnap I purchased is that it takes ‘vintage photos’ and I had to laugh out loud at that. We had to go so far as to have cameras on our phones (with three lenses) just to go all the way back to the simplicity of capturing a memory. Yes, yes I had to have one 🙂
It is digital, so there won’t be any need to take it to the store to print out anything. I can look at the photos when I plug the camera up but I haven’t done that yet. I am being selective about what I take and reminding myself that I have an eye for capturing memories.
In both of the above mentioned invitations (and many I didn’t share), what I know will create that deep healing and lasting state of being, is a return to myself.
So, in this moment, I am teenage Candice, running up the stairs of Karen’s house, to the end of the hallway where her room is and am greeted by a warm embrace and sounds of a familiar tune playing…
Love
Devotion
Feeling
EmotionDon’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocenceThe return to innocence
And if you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destinyDon’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance
To return to innocenceThat’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocenceThat’s return to innocence
It’s Return to Innocence by Enigma in case anyone needed a hint 😉
Many happy returns,
Candice 🩷
On Wanderwood Lane 