As soon as I started thinking about this post, it had an accompanying track that played in my head throughout it’s forming into words.
The road I grew up on, Thompson Rd, was out in the country and contained a lot of extended family. A few of our cousins lived at the end of the road and were our first friends. It was, very thankfully for me, an age where there wasn’t so much technology to be tethered to and we spent lots of time walking in the fields/woods between our houses.
Karen, the one I’ve always been closest to, and I bonded over so many things in those formative years. We turned fallen trees into castles, the barn loft into a court room, old metal scraps into more friends, tissue paper into skin grafts for the dolls that needed plastic surgery and ruled a mermaid empire every time we swam in the pool.
The free flow of play came easily to us, as did the laughter and with all the ‘heal your inner child’ talk that is trending now, I have to wonder if calling upon those effortless memories is part of it…
A few weeks ago, after a loooooooooooong and very draining few years of attempting to get my workout/physical care routine back on track, I surrendered to the TRUTH that although I’ve spent a great deal of the past decade moving toward whole self healing, my physical body was still so conditioned to be in protection mode, that very few of the efforts I have made are adding up to anything lasting. Burnout was at an all time high, which is always tough for me to admit because I have a really great life, I do!
How am I honoring that great life if I am not communicating to my body that it’s safe to thrive and actually enjoy it though?
Somatic exercises were brought to my attention via a friend a few years ago, who knowing my mind/body background asked if I knew anything about them. I didn’t and was admittedly too overwhelmed at the thought of learning something new to look into it a the time…and yet, with my teary eyed head in my hands, I’ve never forgotten that they asked me about it.
I didn’t spend a lot of time searching for a place to explore this. With a quick key word search, I was led to an Instagram account that I followed for a while, to make sure the message was consistent and then, purchased their 30day program.
In the days that followed that choice, I had to get very honest with myself about the amount of money I have spent/do spend in the pursuit of this form of wellness and SEE where the money is being wasted as I know there is deep correlation in it. Subscriptions were canceled, accounts un-followed and apps deleted.
My first real exhale in months came on Day 1 of the program with the permission to do nothing strenuous or ambitious during the duration of the course. It was made clear that we would be navigating neuroplasty and creating new messages (neural pathways) in my brain and DID NOT need to mix the messages. Knowing just how long I’ve been mixing the messages, surrender to that instruction was easy.
I am almost two weeks into the course and have been keeping notes about what each session reveals to me (to be shared at another time). What I will share at this moment though, is that I’ve been, without a doubt, holding on way too tightly for way too long. This message of ‘letting go’ that I have been receiving these past few years is meant within my physical body also and I am, thankfully, finally on that journey.
Within that same time frame, I purchased a camera. No, I didn’t need it, I have about 6 cameras. This one though, has taken everything back to the basics of what a camera was like when I was a kid. I didn’t have access to anything fancy. The cameras I used were disposable, point & shoots and when the camera was full, I dropped it off at the store for development.
My favorite thing about those, looking back, was how impossible it was to overthink what you were photographing because you couldn’t see/critique it. You captured memories. I captured memories. It was plain and simple, almost effortless.
The advertising appeal of the CampSnap I purchased is that it takes ‘vintage photos’ and I had to laugh out loud at that. We had to go so far as to have cameras on our phones (with three lenses) just to go all the way back to the simplicity of capturing a memory. Yes, yes I had to have one 🙂
It is digital, so there won’t be any need to take it to the store to print out anything. I can look at the photos when I plug the camera up but I haven’t done that yet. I am being selective about what I take and reminding myself that I have an eye for capturing memories.
In both of the above mentioned invitations (and many I didn’t share), what I know will create that deep healing and lasting state of being, is a return to myself.
So, in this moment, I am teenage Candice, running up the stairs of Karen’s house, to the end of the hallway where her room is and am greeted by a warm embrace and sounds of a familiar tune playing…
Love
Devotion
Feeling
EmotionDon’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocenceThe return to innocence
And if you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destinyDon’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance
To return to innocenceThat’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocenceThat’s return to innocence
It’s Return to Innocence by Enigma in case anyone needed a hint 😉
Many happy returns,
Candice 🩷
In regard to my two week holiday abroad, the question I have been asked the most is “What was your favorite part?”.
As you might be able to tell from my previous posts, there are many things that I could have given as the answer and I am still, so exceedingly, grateful for such an amazing time all around.
I do have an answer for that question though and I am ready to share it with you!
The journal entry from this particular day is titled…
Bravery and a magical forest!
It was my last full day in Nottingham, an overcast and moody one. Though it would have been easy to stay in, read a book, watch more British television or write a little more, my wanderlust was at an all-time high.
As you all know, I chose where I wanted to go and made my way to it, very little added planning went in, including looking at a map. For some reason I thought I’d be able to walk to EVERYTHING I wanted to see. Many steps were taken but in all of those steps, there was still more to see to complete the journey.
If you’ve guessed that part of the reason I chose Nottingham was the legend of Robin Hood, you would be correct. My brothers and I grew up on the Disney animation, Prince of Thieves and Men In Tights versions, even having a miniature play set of Sherwood Forest in our toy collection. That toy collection was for indoors, naturally, but we were constantly outside, where our backyard consisted of an acre of large, green pasture and an acre of woodland. It was the perfect setting for our imaginations to carry on that story amongst the trees.
In truth, it’s only been in the reflection of my favorite part of the trip and those childhood memories that I’ve found just how deep a touchstone was created on the day I traveled to the real Sherwood Forest.
Six days into my holiday found me well acclimated to several city blocks around Nottingham’s city center and I’d grown very comfortable with that. On Boxing Day the business of an average day is still very minimal and so I chose it as my day to walk down to Nottingham Castle and explore. I had that corner of the city to myself and though the castle (and caves below) were closed, I enjoyed taking in it’s story and the pieces of it that lay within it’s borders, including the Robin Hood Statue and Old Castle Pub.
That exploration was within my comfort zone.





Here is where the bravery comes in…
Sherwood Forest is around a 90min bus ride away from Nottingham city center. Not within walking distance, Candice, not by a long shot, LOL.
Thankfully, it’s very easy to figure out how to get from A-B in England. With a brief Google Map plug in, after the curiosity got the better of me, I discovered that there is a specific bus, especially for that trip. The only thing I had to do was walk a few blocks up to the station and get on it! I was a little nervous about the idea of getting there and back again but my heart wouldn’t let me NOT be brave about it.
I must have stood at the sliding door to the Sherwood Arrow for 20min before the driver looked up from his book, smiled, shook his head and pointed to the sign that said “out of order, go to the outside gate”. Sadly, that wasn’t the first time I’d embarrassed myself on holiday but I’m happy to report I’ve learned well how to laugh at things like that and I shared that laugh when I finally made my way round to pay the driver for the round trip.
Once all passengers boarded, I shared the bus with only 3 other people. I welcomed the extra space to fully exhale and settle in for the journey. My travels in Ireland prepared me well for just how quickly the countryside finds you once you hop a bus out of town and with each mile out, the rolling hills with charming towns replaced the hustle and bustle of city center.
My entire being is at home with this space and pace of things. I smile again at the pleasure of a choice well made 🙂
What visibility the rain hindered on the bus ride to Sherwood National Forest, it more than made up for with the lack of other tourists that were in attendance on the grounds that day. I didn’t quite have the place to myself but I never knew otherwise while hiking, in my solitude, along the wooded pathways.
From my first steps onto the grounds, I could feel magic and wonder in the air. There were old stories held within this forest and the fog caused by the days temperature/rain only aided in my imagination of them.
Trees are my absolute favorite creations of nature. I love how deeply and intricately they root, how they communicate with one another and how they forever reach heavenward. Being a big believer in The Force, helps too 😉 The giant, ancient and proud oak, birch and various others did not disappoint me in their majesty and I was awestruck.



The rain didn’t let up on my wanders and the photographer in me had to put her critical eye aside, more than once, to let the photos be what they are. I am not at all disappointed with the outcome because I know that I took my time with the important part in it all…absolute presence. Forests have a such a peaceful hum to them and my feet fell in rhythm with it. If there is anything a more tranquil sound than light rain hitting leaves, I’ve not heard it. I spent hours taking in every the site of every tree I could spot and listening to the sounds within the sounds.
Yes, this atmosphere could without a doubt inspire legend.
The Mighty Oak, is the main attraction of this area, and I let my anticipation build a bit before I found my way there.




And queue the main theme from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

There was bend in the path leading up to this magnificent tree and as I rounded it, the first notes of piano in Bryan Adams’ hit song “Everything I do, I do it for you” came into my mind. In that space it was easy to imagine a time, when in it’s younger years, that mighty oak could have stood around, unsupported and perhaps even been able to house a canopy hide out. I could picture a campsite under it’s branches and a group of worn journeyers finding rest within that safety.
I’m always quick to get lost in thought and though the rain was steady flowing down the front of my raincoat hood, I allowed myself a few more moments of daydreaming before I continued down the pathway back towards the visitors center.
Still to the same tune, I wondered what it would have been like to make the journey from Nottingham city to the forest, on horseback, to loose an arrow from a longbow, to create community within the majesty of those woods. The tiny trickle of children’s laughter as they ran passed me was a pleasant addition to those thoughts.
What a gift it is when an ordinary day shows you how extraordinary it can be and anytime that includes wandering, I’m in it for the long haul!

I LOVED my time in Sherwood Forest. It was, without a doubt, the most incredible, solitary, walk through the woods I have had up to this point in my life and though, perhaps a little dramatic for me to say, that’s love worth fighting for and I aim to always do just that ❤
For days now, I have been thinking about a mug of tea. Not having a mug of tea but the specific visual of a specific mug in a specific setting.
I’d taken a photo of it, hadn’t I? I took several pictures of her home that day because it was lovely, warm and embracing, like her.



Her name is Amanda (Amanda R 💙🏕️ in my phone) and I had met her a year prior to that mug of tea, at Heart Camp.
Heart Camp…
My goodness does the title of that monumental (for me) gathering keep proving it’s rawness, it’s reality and it’s preciousness. I have it’s logo tattooed on my arm and I did it at a HEIGHTS of it kind of time, in Chicago, with other members of that family and felt no pain.
But it does hurt sometimes. It hurts in the things time and distance does to us. It hurts in the feeling like it was something that would happen every year and then feeling, for a while, like it might have ended all together. It hurts in how guilty I’ve felt, at times, for being so quiet for so long…
The hurt is the depths of it and I’ve grown to realize that you cannot have one without the other because that isn’t what Heart Camp is. And, though I have a touchstone forever on my heart actually named that, all life is it.
Heart Camp…
We went to visit Amanda at her home that reunion year because she had been recently diagnosed with cancer a few months prior to it and was undergoing a complete lifestyle rebuild to begin to fight it. We wanted to share space with her, hold her and let her know that she would not be alone in that fight. Standing in her back yard, hand in hand, is a feeling I’ll never forget.

It’s been 4 years since that time at her home. I saw her once more, in person, before the world shut down for a while, when she came to my home for a Reiki session. Most people don’t even know that I practice it because universally connected energy/healing, it seems, had to become ‘mainstream’ before it was given credence but Amanda believed in and trusted me and thus, trusted it and that made me confident. We had a deeply, powerful and beautiful time together.
She taught me in those moments, lessons that echo even more today.
First, who we are, exactly who we are is enough…our worth is our own, priceless and not conditioned to anyone else’s determination, it’s sacred.
Secondly, a deep love of self includes the loving of our bodies. The vessel is sacred, the house of our soul and should also be loved, no matter how difficult it might be moment to moment. Powerful!
I can’t go in to much more detail about how her journey has been the past few years because that is her journey/experience.
What I can say is this…a few days ago, Amanda left her vessel, which I believe she loved as best she could until that departure and though the news of that hit with the pang of sadness, the moment I leaned in to her energy, I felt her, stronger than ever, vibrating bright yellow and I know beyond anything else, that when I ask for the guidance of my helpers in my energetic healing practices, she will be among them ❤
We get to carry eachother into eternity!!
Thank you for the gift of you! I love you Amanda!!

Christmas is an absolute favorite holiday of mine and I know I am not alone in that. No matter where you go during that time of the year, you are sure to find lights, decorations, an overall cheerfulness of people and a little extra magic in the air.
Over the past few years, the above mentioned feeling has only grown!!!
Believe it or not there was a time when I had grown quiet numb to the wonder, the magic and, honestly, dreaded the festiveness a little. It can become really easy to get lost in all of the “should, could, what if and why” of life and drift into an auto pilot of sorts.
My eagerness to celebrate Christmas in England found my spirits at an all time high and there are more than a few movies to blame for that (A Christmas Carol, Harry Potter, Love Actually, The Holiday, etc).
I couldn’t wait to land at Heathrow, see the row houses with lights in the window, visit decorated cathedrals and see/hear “Happy Christmas” as often as possible 🙂
What I found wasn’t exactly what I expected but as I am learning, expectations should be held very loosely so that they have the freedom to, hopefully, exceed all you think possible.
AND Ohhhhhhhhh, Nottingham! (I love and miss you).
Shout out to the wonderful ladies I met at White Rose 5 and Lush, where I made my first purchases of the trip. Thanks for making me feel so welcome in your city 🙂



I’d heard murmurs of a winter market being held just down the street from my accommodations before I left to explore, Day 1, so I knew that would be one of the first sights to see.
It took less than 10min to follow the tram rail down the hill a block and turn the corner to this…



It was overcast (gloomy) and the whimsy of a small, fair style event, back dropped by the incredible architecture of City Hall immediately drew me in. Although still very satisfied by the full English breakfast I started the day with, the aroma of all the freshly made food made my mouth water and I followed my nose. Sounds of laughter rang out from the small ice skating rink that welcomed guests at the entrance. Those sounds mingled well with each vendor’s musical melody and/or joyful chatter as it drifted along the market footpath. Lines of excited patrons could be found waiting for their turn to experience one of the rides, games or a savory/sweet treat.
After much more walking around, I helped myself to one of those treats myself! My friend Ben told me about one of his favorite meal options, halloumi, and so I opted for a portobello burger with fried halloumi and chips. It was incredible!


The smile that had already found permanence on my face widened with each step I took. THIS is why I was here and I soaked in every moment of it!

Ben, the friend I mentioned above, went to University in Nottingham and came into town the next morning for a chat and to offer his own take on the city. We had coffee and a long conversation at the dreamiest little shop with all the charming nooks and atmosphere I could have hoped for. After that, he showed me to and around Waterstones, a 5 floor bookstore. It was pouring rain by the time we exited the bookstore and that is when we parted ways but it was a Friday that I’ll never forget. Thanks BEN ❤


It being the holiday season may have played a small part in the fact that everyone I encountered was friendly, but I like to think that is just the way they are…lovely and kind…like all of greetings I became so fond of (love, my lovely, darling, my dear, duck). Hearing all of those affectionate terms was very special for a gal like me and the icing on that cake was sharing smiles with tons of families walking around in their Christmas jumpers.
My face is smiling wide once again as I think about those days in Notts!! They were truly, the best gift 🎁
Last Tuesday I wrote an instagram post for someone very special to me. She read it (in fact she reads just about all my words <3), loved it and asked me later that day how she could save it, as she does her cards, to look back at when she is feeling down.
Although I know she could save it under a tab on Insta, I thought I’d repost it here also, so that everytime she comes here to visit, she can read it again!
THIS post is dedicated to the most important woman in my life, my Momma, Geteia!
Today is her 60th birthday!!!
I swiped the first photo from the archives and have proceeded to fill the rest of the slides with selfies from my phones predetermined folder.
Although they probably only span the past decade, I think they showcase us pretty darn well.
She, always a pillar of love, strength and support with the most beautiful/warm smile I’ve ever seen and always the one holding me up, who in most of these, needed it very much.
I’ve learned more from her life/example than can fit here and we’ve learned a great deal more, together and never without a hand to hold!
I’m eternally grateful for the deep friendship that’s accompanied our mother/daughter relationship for 40years now and I love that she’s one of the truest gifts in my life.
I’m very blessed and honored to have her!!!
Thank you for always BEING exactly who you are, my entire life, and for holding my hand until I learned to do the same.
I LOVE YOU 3000 💗💫💗✨
Happy Birthday Momma!!!

Beginning my trip on the winter solstice may have been the most happy of accidents, to date. No, I didn’t schedule around it on purpose. I just wanted to be settled in my home from home before Christmas Day.
I chose a direct flight, overnight, via American Airlines and tucked myself in the very last seat on the plane. That, I found, is a very good place for me to be, if/when flying solo. The cabin lighting was a festive red/green to start and was timed with duration of the flight to simulate the night sky and then the rising sun. It was such a nice touch and given that my overall excitement kept me from sleeping, I got to witness it all as it happened. The turbulence was a bit more turbulent at the back of the plane (and I didn’t realize my seat would recline until the return flight) but it was WELL worth the trade off of being able to get up anytime I needed, to stretch, use the facilities and refresh my beverages 😉 . All of that, easily done, without disturbing those around me and rendered what was left of my inner anxious traveler, speechless.
Perfection 😀
My seatmate was quiet but friendly (could have been mistaken for Charlie Hunnam) and much to my delight became social enough on our approach to London to raise the window shade just in time to enjoy flying over the first sights of the city. Seeing all of the wonders I’d only ever seen on television brought the widest of smiles to my face (a feeling I now find commonplace) and thrills to my heart. Even though I knew I wouldn’t have many, if any, footfalls in London itself, seeing it from above was INCREDIBLE.
After landing, the trip through Heathrow Terminal 3 was surprisingly quick and the arrival gate, with all it’s excitedly welcoming faces, caught be by surprise. It was pretty darn close to the way The Prime Minister describes it in Love Actually. There were loads of flowers, signs, joy filled greetings and love was tangibly in the air! A tone for my trip had already been set and I couldn’t have been happier.
Booking a bus to Nottingham was my next task and that also went very smoothly. I had a break of a few hours to walk around a while, stretch and hydrate. My first purchases were made and they included a Cherry Pepsi Max (ok, not hydrating but the H2O was eventually had, I promise) and a protein bar. It was the perfect amount of fuel for the journey ahead.
A National Express bus was the mode of transportation to Nottingham and I found it so relaxing to, once again, store my heavy rolling bag under the bus and make my way to it’s back corner, another great choice for me, personally. It was right at a 3 hour journey, given all the stops we made and I am 💯 certain my mouth was agape in awe at the English countryside/smaller town sites/sounds the entire time.
Ricky, a fellow passenger from the Linton to Milton Keyes stops, regaled me with many stories spanning his 10 year residency in Holland which included educating me in the vastness of the marijuana trade. Needless to say, that stretch of travel, I was focused on the conversation and completely missed the view but was no less entertained.
The sun had set by the time I was dropped off at the Nottingham NE bus station and I was on my own to find my way to the room I had booked at the Best Western Plus on Wollaton. Though I could make that walk a thousand times now, that night, it took longer than I would have liked. The added weight of my luggage didn’t make it any the easier BUT after about 30min, I arrived, red faced and no doubt disheveled to the most hospitable of greetings by Anais and Paul, who quickly became a few of my favorite faces (more on them later).
After a brief (and comical) introduction to my room, 506, and a complete unpacking later, I was very ready to settle in to an early night’s sleep. Yes, completely unpacking, no matter how brief my stay might be, is just the way that I prefer things. After a prayer of gratitude and giant inhale/exhale, good rest found me.
The pace of my entire trip was set this on this, Day 1, and following the unhurried course of it led to the almost constant, Cheshire Cat like, grin my face held each day and much peace/joy in my heart.
I can’t wait to share more with you all, very soon ❤