It’s early, not unusually early, but early and my little houseguest (my nephew J), although he claims to have just woken up when I did, is already, practically bursting with anticipatory energy.
I’m no stranger to this time of morning but my pace/energy are much different. Our visits have become this, truthfully kind of amazing, dance of mutual compromises lately, as I try to live out all of the lessons of my personal growth journey, but I am getting a little of topic.
This morning’s compromise was turning on Battlefront before coffee so that I could make the coffee and start a round of laundry before even being asked if he could play. From the kitchen I could hear the firing of laser rifles and the propulsion of a jet pack, so I knew his first character choice of the day was Boba Fett.
Just as I was pouring my first cup of coffee, he came round the corner to ask me what I was doing and to tell me about his first victory. Between the Hoth cave in/outs and enemy ambushes, all to which I smiled and nodded, he ended the the tale with this gem “sometimes you have to make the move you think is the riskiest, to win”.
At this point he chuckled and ran back in to the living room to then, no doubt or surprise to me, terrorize some rebels as his favorite villain, Palpatine, and left me to stand, a little dumbfounded by the coffee pot.
I am so use to my “quiet” mornings but if I can be really honest, they aren’t all that quiet. Environmentally, yes, and the pace is slow but my mind, most morning/days is the opposite. What a point of massive gratitude that this morning, the simple but profound wisdom of a small voice, pierced the very heart of the matter.
I all too often associate risk with intense/serious situations but here, lately, everything has been spurring me forward, the years of self work/growth/healing have led, over and over again to more peace, calm and understanding.
Just when I get to that rhythm, however, I notice that I start to feel the vastness of that wide, open, path…and I start to panic a little, begin to look around frantically, even sometimes digging, for the next “thing”.
My “invitation” as I’ve started calling it, the past few weeks has been to “stay the course”…don’t run, don’t withdrawal, don’t push away, don’t hide…don’t self abandon…don’t create a false narrative by being in constant thought…just stay the course.
So here I am at the, albeit unintentional, challenge of my young nephew.
What if the risk, for me, in this particular season, is to stop the excavation process of my life for a while, especially when I’m being presented with a wide open landscape and let things just happen, to stop anticipating what’s around the bend and even better, prematurely trying to protect myself from it…because…maybe, just maybe, I don’t need to.
Maybe a win (or more) awaits me and maybe all the goodness I hope and wish for everyone else is something I can start believing in for myself (and not just talk about believing in).