What I’m Hoping to See

I just spent about an hour looking through almost every photo on my Facebook page. So far that only spans about 12years but every now and then there was a throwback Thursday trickled in…

I’ve decided to not worry about a massive word count this time, although we all know I have the words in me, and get right to the guts of this one.

Working on myself (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually) has been a near constant thing for about 5 years…this last year being the time the physical started to catch up with the rest of the progress. It’s ALL hard work and it can be messy BUT I’ve found the reward absolutely monumental!!!

Where’s the problem???

Oh, yeah…It appears I make one up when there isn’t one.

For YEARS it was financial peace and once it was attained, I started to hate the career that got me there…

For YEARS it was peace of mind/soul and though I found may way back to my faith, I doubt at the most confusing times…

For YEARS I didn’t cry, because of the time I was made to fear my tears and though crying (happy, joyous, empathetic, angry, sad) is what I do to release, I still fall back into that fear…

For YEARS I put my physical health on the back burner to work on all the rest, FINALLY took the steps and made the progress and most days I can’t see it.

 

TRUTH…I’ve turned over a LOT of stones these past few months and that should feel great, except when I hear myself make certain comments about myself and wonder when the hell I started worrying about that…

Recent examples are my smiles lines, the little wrinkles in my cheeks, the pocket of skin on my neck where weight use to be, my hairline/part/thickness, and large pores. I have to laugh as I type this because I literally spent so many years focusing on things that really mattered that I have resorted to this…and it’s so vain, I know…

Now, back to the beginning of the post…After combing through those photos, I learned something pivotal. My truly happy/joyful face is absolutely stunning, no matter it’s age/size…do I notice the other stuff eventually, yes, but the first thing I notice is the joy…

AND THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO FOCUS ON…MORE JOY!!!!!

It baffles me that currently my life has the most collective potential for JOY and I’ve been (unintentionally, of course) zapping most of it out with all of this noise going on in my head…

AND I WANT TO BE DONE WITH IT!!!!

So, I’m going to keep taking my supplements, using my new skin care/hair care regimens, praying, sticking to my meal plan and doing my new workouts, because those things have been SO good for me BUT outside of that, I’m going to give myself a damn break 😉

If this is something any of y’all struggle with, I hope you give yourself a break too! Let the LOVE & JOY flow!!!

 

Also, the things that I’ve nit picked the most about myself lately have always been there…so…perhaps I better just embrace them 😀 😀 😀

 

Take Care out there!!!

 

 

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