I’ve got a crush on you

Almost 2 months away seems really bizarre…

The truth is I have been writing. I’ve written letters to pen pals, two poems, a chapter in my book and LOTS of letters that I’ll never send. The lesson I learn time and time again is that I process exactly how I need to, in my own time and in my own way…and I am kinda diggin’ that right about now!

 

I am excited about today’s post because I have promised to be apart of this for months and haven’t followed through, yet. My friend Ashton has a great website called Eight Hundred Words and I found their writing prompt today the perfect opportunity to participate.

 

The Prompt: Tell the story of a crush you never actually spoke to (or did and it ruined the crush).

Now, my romantic life may only be a comedy to me but this is a chance that I can’t pass up…so, here goes.

It was evident from the beginning that I would be unable to pinpoint just one encounter because, well, I kinda do the same thing, EVERY, SINGLE, TIME.

For a decade I’ve been telling myself “I want to be a writer”, while the millions of sheets of paper left in my wake scream “what, exactly, would you call this?”.

As silly as it might sound, more than half of those sheets of paper have served to witness me, pouring my heart and soul out. Writing with pen on paper, even though my handwriting is plain awful most of the time, helps me process and I hand write often, to this day.

**

I’ll start with a story over a decade ago.

I was helping a friend work her handmade candle booth at a craft fair one fall when I noticed a guy helping his grandmother in the booth 2 down from ours. We made eye contact often but my feet wouldn’t make the trek over to say hello. SO, I wrote a short note of hello and my number on a piece of paper and made my booth partner take it over. The first thing he did after he received it is call me out for not bringing it over myself. Crush, Crushed…

YEARS later…

Befriending people comes really easy to me, guys especially. I like to think it’s because I grew up with two brothers and can relate a little better because of it. Probably also why I all too often put myself in the proverbial “friend zone”.

In my late 20’s/early 30’s I happened to have several great guy friends. We had dinner together, played video games (especially Rock Band and/or Guitar Hero), had long phone conversations and hung out weekly. It was amazing to be forming such incredible friendships but unfortunately my hopelessly romantic heart wouldn’t let me leave it there.

To the one…I went over to his house the day before he was about to be out of the country for a month to tell him (vocally) how I felt and a new roommate was moving in, so I lost my nerve and ended up writing an email a book long. His response was “he never saw me that way”.

To the other…I played the true friend for years, watching the ending, beginning, ending of his relationships until he hit a seemingly solo run. We chatted and had dinner often and I just knew we were working up to something. Losing my nerve became my middle name around this time and as lame as I feel, I ended up telling him how I felt in a very vague text that was never addressed.

It took a while but eventually, both of those crushes were crushed too.

 

Within the past 6 years…

 

• I had a MAJOR crush on an up and coming musician that I got to meet one time. I had a lengthy letter, telling him how wonderful I thought he was, in my pocket but didn’t have the nerve (shocker) to give it to him. So, I mailed it to him, weeks later, with hope.
• I started attending a writing group and met a guy that I was quite taken by, had the chance to smooch, chickened out and never got another chance. I typed him out the equivalent of a parody song and then put it in the computer’s recycle bin. That one at least made me laugh.
• A guy I am a pretty big fan of wrote a book that only made me like him more. I wrote to him on almost every page of the book, hoping, somehow, he’d know it. Years later I met him in person and we are friends 🙂
• When I get the nerve to verbally say something to a crush, I literally say something about how cute they are (like a school girl), turn and all but run away (like a school girl) and then end up writing (another letter I’ll never send), saying all the things I meant to say to them in person.

 

 

The reason this prompt was so perfect is because the one of the things I want to do the most in the world (convey thoughts and feeling via written word) isn’t really hard for me…at all…I do it all the time without even realizing it…I guess it just takes the right prompts to remind myself I do!

 

Maybe I’ll get better at the crush game, maybe I won’t but at least I know I’ll always have something to write about!

 

Thanks Eight Hundred Words! This was fun!